Helping Your Neurodivergent Toddler Sleep: A Compassionate Approach to Bedtime

Bedtime with a neurodivergent toddler can feel like climbing a mountain every single night. The screaming, the resistance, the hours spent trying to coax them to sleep—it’s exhausting and emotionally draining. You’re not alone in this struggle, and the good news is, with a little patience and some new strategies, you can help your little one find peace at bedtime.

Let’s reframe the challenge: Neurodivergent kids often process the world differently, and that includes how they wind down. For some, stillness is uncomfortable. Their minds may still be buzzing with thoughts from the day, or their bodies may crave more sensory input before they can relax. Instead of fighting against this, let’s work with it.

Understanding the Struggle

Many neurodivergent toddlers resist bedtime, not out of defiance, but because their brains and bodies struggle to shift gears. They might:

• Have trouble transitioning from the busy day to the stillness of sleep.

• Feel discomfort in quiet or dark spaces, even with supportive tools like a sound machine.

• Struggle with Fear of Missing Out (FOMO), convinced the world keeps spinning without them.

These challenges don’t mean your child is being difficult; they’re simply showing you what they need. And the good news? You can help.

A Gentle, Attachment-Based Approach

Attachment parenting encourages connection and empathy, even in the most frustrating moments. Instead of focusing on “getting them to sleep,” focus on creating an environment where they feel safe and supported as they wind down.

Here are some strategies that might help:

1. Review the Day Together

Neurodivergent kids often need help processing their day before they can let it go. Spend a few minutes talking about what they experienced:

• “What was your favorite part of today?”

• “Did anything make you feel sad or frustrated?”

This not only helps them organize their thoughts but also strengthens your bond.

2. Model Calmness

Stillness can feel overwhelming for kids who are used to constant movement or stimulation. Be the calm in their storm. Sit quietly with them, breathe deeply, and speak in soothing tones. Your presence can help regulate their nervous system.

Teaching Self-Soothing Skills

While your presence is comforting, teaching your child how to calm themselves is an invaluable gift. Here are some techniques to try:

1. Progressive Muscle Relaxation

Guide them through tensing and relaxing each part of their body, starting with their toes and moving up to their head. Say:

“Let’s squeeze our toes really tight… now let them go all soft like jelly. Good job!”

2. Simple Breathing Exercises

Introduce a fun, age-appropriate breathing technique:

• “Blow up the balloon”: Pretend to blow up a big balloon by taking a deep breath in and slowly exhaling.

• “Smell the flower, blow out the candle”: Pretend to sniff a flower and then gently blow out a candle.

3. Guided Meditations

Use short, child-friendly meditations that focus on visualizing peaceful scenes, like floating on a cloud or resting on a cozy blanket.

4. Offer Comfort Items

A favorite stuffed animal, a weighted blanket, or a soft pillow can provide sensory comfort and a sense of security.

Empowering Them With Choices

Many neurodivergent toddlers feel a lack of control during bedtime, which can fuel resistance. Offer simple choices to give them a sense of autonomy:

• “Do you want to read one book or two before bed?”

• “Would you like me to rub your back or hold your hand while we relax?”

• “Do you want to lie on your bed or in your cozy corner?”

These small decisions can help reduce power struggles and make bedtime feel more collaborative.

When It Gets Overwhelming

There will still be nights when nothing works, and that’s okay. In those moments, remind yourself: This isn’t a battle to win—it’s a relationship to nurture. If your child is screaming and calling for you, they’re not manipulating you—they’re seeking connection and reassurance.

Sometimes, just sitting in their room and being present is enough. You don’t have to fix everything; you just have to be there.

A Final Thought: It’s a Process, Not a Quick Fix

Helping a neurodivergent toddler sleep isn’t about finding the perfect routine—it’s about understanding their unique needs and meeting them with empathy. It’s about teaching them that stillness isn’t something to fear, but something to embrace.

So tonight, when the bedtime resistance starts, take a deep breath. Remember, you’re teaching your child skills that will serve them for a lifetime: how to find calm in the chaos, how to listen to their body, and how to trust in the safety of your love.

You’re doing an amazing job, Mama. Keep going.

Sending love and light,

Jamie