Breaking the Cycle of Intergenerational Trauma: A Guide for Moms Seeking Joy in Parenting

Nov 4, 2024

6 min read

Parenting brings some of the deepest joy we can feel, but for moms carrying the weight of unresolved trauma, this journey can feel incredibly heavy. Childhood trauma can touch every part of our lives—not only our physical and mental health but also the way we interact with our children. Sometimes it leaves us wondering, “Why can’t I feel the joy everyone else seems to have?” If this resonates, know you’re not alone. Research and community insights offer ways to break the cycle of trauma, heal ourselves, and build loving, joyful bonds with our children. Here’s how understanding intergenerational trauma and learning trauma-informed parenting can help you rediscover joy in motherhood.

1. Understanding How Trauma Affects Parenting

When past trauma remains unaddressed, it can become an invisible wall between us and our children. Imagine being a mom who wants to be fully present and loving but finds herself tense, overthinking every interaction, or feeling disconnected during precious moments. Research shows that unresolved trauma can make it harder for us to regulate emotions, feel secure, and trust others (Khan, Nadeem, & Anjum, 2023; Rostami & Mehdiabadi, 2024). It’s a ripple effect; our own insecurities can seep into our parenting, making us feel unworthy or inadequate.

Key Insight: Trauma’s effects aren’t just emotional; they’re physical too. Moms with unresolved trauma often experience chronic pain, fatigue, and other physical complaints, making everyday tasks feel like scaling a mountain (Khan et al., 2023). Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward breaking them. Imagine finally realizing that your chronic headaches or deep fatigue aren’t a flaw—they’re connected to the trauma you’ve experienced. There’s freedom in knowing these patterns don’t define you, and you have the power to heal.

2. The Role of Therapeutic Communication in Healing

Therapeutic communication is like a lifeline to recovery; it’s the steady, comforting connection that fosters trust and understanding. If you’ve ever been frustrated trying to connect with your child because your own hurt feels too big, therapeutic communication may be a game-changer. Research shows the power of communicating with empathy, non-judgment, and patience (Kurniyawan et al., 2024). This kind of communication helps us peel back layers, showing us and our children that it’s okay to feel, to talk, and to trust.

How This Applies to You: You don’t need to be a therapist to use therapeutic communication at home. Imagine sitting with your child and genuinely listening—not trying to solve, not rushing to respond—just listening. By giving our children a safe place to be themselves, we’re also giving ourselves permission to do the same. With small steps, like listening deeply and using comforting words, you can start healing your inner child and guiding your children with compassion.

3. Building a Safe Environment for Healing

Creating a safe environment doesn’t mean a perfectly tidy home; it’s about establishing a space where you and your children feel secure enough to express yourselves fully. Imagine that at the end of a hard day, you can sit on the couch with your kids, wrapped up in their favorite blanket, sharing small stories about your day. Research shows that environments like these—stable, open, and loving—help parents and children feel valued and supported (Khan et al., 2023).

At Home: Establish small, grounding rituals that create consistency. An evening hug, a morning story, or a five-minute check-in before bed can help build that security. It’s these routines that will let your children know they’re safe and valued. And as you do this for them, you’re building safety for yourself, too—showing yourself that it’s okay to slow down, to breathe, to be present without worry or stress (Kurniyawan et al., 2024; Rostami & Mehdiabadi, 2024).

4. Reducing the Physical Toll of Trauma Through Education and Awareness

The physical symptoms of trauma—like that knot in your stomach before a stressful day, or the headaches that creep in after an argument—aren’t just “in your head.” They’re a part of how trauma shows up in the body. Education is a powerful antidote, especially when it comes to understanding how trauma affects us physically. Knowing why certain days are harder or why you feel exhausted by the afternoon can take away some of the shame we might feel about our bodies.

Try This: Incorporate gentle, healing practices into your daily life, like a short morning stretch or deep-breathing exercises. Think of these as small acts of self-care that you’re teaching your children by example. Maybe you’ll invite your kids to join you for a quiet moment of breathing before bed. These small practices create shared healing moments, letting you educate your children on self-care while learning to listen to your own body’s needs.

5. The Healing Power of Nonverbal Communication

Sometimes, the most profound expressions of love and support don’t come from words. It might be a reassuring hand on your child’s shoulder during a tough day or sitting together in comfortable silence. Research underscores the healing power of nonverbal cues like eye contact, hugs, and relaxed body language (Kurniyawan et al., 2024). These simple gestures communicate safety and love without overwhelming either of you.

Tip for Moms: Lean into nonverbal expressions of affection. Consistently showing warmth through touch, expressions, and small gestures helps children feel secure, fostering your bond with them. Imagine that with each hug, each smile, each moment of calm eye contact, you’re slowly replacing old trauma responses with new, loving memories.

6. Using Therapeutic Communication Techniques to Foster Resilience

Trauma-informed parenting isn’t about erasing the past; it’s about building resilience for the future. Research highlights the importance of rituals that reinforce closure, hope, and resilience (Kurniyawan et al., 2024). Imagine ending each day by sharing something you’re grateful for, or setting intentions for tomorrow with your children. These rituals don’t just build strength; they give you a chance to shift your focus from surviving to thriving.

Practical Approach: Small, positive habits can reshape your family’s emotional landscape. Try ending each day with a moment of gratitude, talking about one thing you appreciated or enjoyed. Think of this as a simple, yet powerful way to end each day on a hopeful note, modeling resilience for your children and helping both of you let go of the day’s stress (Rostami & Mehdiabadi, 2024; Khan et al., 2023).

7. Remembering That Healing is a Journey, Not a Destination

Parenting while healing from trauma is a journey, full of peaks and valleys. Some days feel lighter, while others can feel like starting from scratch. Healing isn’t about reaching perfection; it’s about moving forward, one intentional step at a time. If you feel stuck, remember that healing is a nonlinear journey. Each small, intentional change builds a foundation of trust, security, and joy (Khan et al., 2023).

Encouragement for the Journey: Embrace patience and self-compassion. On days when things feel overwhelming, remind yourself that you’re doing the brave, hard work of breaking the cycle of trauma. Every small step toward healing—whether it’s through therapeutic communication, establishing routines, or practicing nonverbal reassurance—brings you closer to finding the joy in parenting (Kurniyawan et al., 2024).

The Power of Community: Join The Good Enough Community

You don’t have to go through this alone. Joining a community of mothers who truly understand what you’re going through—who are also on a journey of healing—can provide the support, encouragement, and understanding you need. That’s exactly what The Good Enough Community offers: a supportive space where moms can share insights, uplift one another, and discover practical ways to reclaim joy in parenting.

In The Good Enough Community, you’ll find:

Connection with other moms navigating similar journeys
Resources like workshops and live Q&A sessions to explore real-life parenting challenges
Strategies and tools designed to support your healing journey and strengthen your relationship with your children

Imagine what it would feel like to have a group of mothers who not only understand but support you in ways that help you move forward. Together, we’re creating a space of belonging, hope, and healing for ourselves and our children.

Ready to take the next step? Join The Good Enough Community today or sign up for our newsletter to receive weekly insights, tools, and strategies that bring more joy and connection into your parenting journey.

References

Devlin, J. M., Hill, L., Berry, J., Felder, K., & Wilson, C. (2019). Therapeutic practices for sexually abused children and adolescents: Resources for marriage, family, and couples’ counselors. Family Journal, 27(4), 359–365. https://doi.org/10.1177/1066480719844017
Faisal, N. Y., Nurbani, & Kurniawati, D. (2023). Communication strategies of regional technical implementation unit of children and women empowerment integrated service center (UPTD P2TP2A) in accompanying and dealing with the victims of domestic violence and sexual abuse on children in North Sumatera Province. International Journal of Research and Review, 10(2), 149–155. https://doi.org/10.52403/ijrr.20230220
Khan, I., Nadeem, A., & Anjum, F. A. (2023). Childhood trauma and somatic